Where are you on your priority list?

I had two clients text me at the last minute to reschedule their coaching sessions.

Both involved work “emergencies” that they unthinkingly and reflexively put before their own mental wellbeing.

One had had an ‘urgent meeting’ called during her lunch hour, which she unquestioningly agreed to.

Until she texted me and I offered her the option of telling her director that she had an appointment and couldn’t make the meeting.

The second received an urgent request from her employee who had lost her mother for a phone call because she was crying. Condolences had already been offered, and bereavement leave granted. This request was for emotional support, which my client didn’t want to offer at this moment because she really needed her coaching session.

Yet she unthinkingly and reflexively cancelled me to provide this to her.

Until I offered her the option of considering her own emotional and mental wellbeing as her first priority.

Both clients had fulfilled their responsibilities in their workplace, and I was curious about why they would so easily fail to fulfill their responsibilities to themselves as women who want to live more evolved and fulfilling and conscious lives.

For me, it’s neutral – I don’t gain or lose when a client attends or cancels a session.

Coaching is all about the client – it is their haven in the week when they enter an unconditionally loving space knowing they can be whoever they are and are never judged.

Hiring a coach is an act of extreme self care, and I believe that everyone should do it.

So cancelling is an act of uncaring for yourself – it’s like cancelling your self care.

What’s fascinating to me is that both clients were really upset that they ‘had’ to cancel, but neither even considered that they had a choice.

This led to an interesting discussion about priorities, and I want to offer you this exercise:

List your top 5 priorities in order of importance.

Options include – My physical, emotional, spiritual and mental wellbeing; my family; my finances; my career/business; my community; friends; studying; service; etc.

I recommend that you put yourself at the top, because your wellbeing is required in order to be able to meet all the other priorities.

Then go back to last week’s schedule, and see whether your calendar lines up with your priorities.

Read your emails and texts and see whether your responses reflect your priorities.

For both of my clients, it was an eye-opening exercise.

Work landed as the third priority for one, and fourth for the other.

We got to be very curious about why they had responded to a demand from a lower priority at the expense of their highest priority.

This is why I am such a great believer in coaching – there’s never a right or wrong way to behave – there’s only curiosity and fascination with why we do what we do.

When we’re creating results in our lives that we aren’t happy with, we must find out what our thoughts and beliefs are that lead to us behaving in ways that create these undesirable results.

Neither of my clients knew why they were feeling so unfulfilled and stressed at work.

Which, of course, led to them mindlessly overeating many times a week.

Now they know.

They are taking actions that aren’t in line with what’s truly important to them.

And they didn’t even know.

Now they know, they can decide, consciously, what they want to create in their lives.

It’s not easy to tell a mourning employee they will have to wait an hour to get emotional support from you, especially when you’ve been a people pleaser all your life.

It’s not easy to tell your boss you can’t come to the emergency lunch time appointment, especially when you’ve also been a people pleaser all your life.

By the way, people pleasing and excess weight… Another topic for another day – I have thoughts about this ūüėČ

But evolving into your highest and best self isn’t always easy.

And nor is ignoring your deepest desire to do so.

It’s so worth it.

Far better to honour your desire to meet with your coach, and then, feeling refuelled and authentic, call and offer your heartfelt, resentment-free support to your employee, or to return from your lunchtime coaching session refreshed and energized, catch up on the meeting, and take care of your duties without battling frustration and disappointment.

Everyone wins when you live according to your priorities.

You first.

It’s the opposite of selfish.

It’s the most loving and giving thing you can do for your people and your world.

 

 

 

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There’s nowhere else I’d rather be

When you read this, I’ll be on a plane to Halifax, Nova Scotia –

My hubby and I are going to bike for two days on an old railroad track by the ocean – no cars! – and then we’re going to visit our youngest daughter at her camp.

You may be thinking that it’s easy for me to tell you that there’s nowhere else on earth I’d rather be right now.

But I choose this thought ALWAYS.

No matter what is happening, I can always find it.

Initially, it was a conscious decision to think this and find it, but now it just burbles up in me, and I am always EXACTLY where I want to be.

I’m not saying I always find myself where I planned to be – for example, this morning I was doing some returns and it was taking much longer than I thought it would because the cashier was new. I’m not proud that I didn’t choose to be kind and gracious, or that I didn’t pay attention to my friend who walked in because I allowed myself to get impatient, but I knew that there was nowhere else on earth I’d rather be because it showed me where my work is.

Would I rather have been on the bike trail this morning?

No.

If I wanted to be there already, I would be.

This is crucial – in order to believe that there is nowhere else you’d rather be, you have to believe that you only do what you want to do.

You may protest as, Diandra did yesterday, during our coaching session –

I don’t want to make my kids lunch every day.

Of course you do – otherwise you wouldn’t.

But then they’d be hungry at school, and the school would call me, and they’d be miserable when they got home.

Aah. So you do want to make their lunch because you like picking up happy kids and you prefer days when the school doesn’t call.

Good to know – making lunch is EXACTLY where you want to be every morning.

I know that you can give me many reasons you don’t want to be where you are –

work’s a drag

sitting in a car that isn’t moving on a busy road sucks

my husband is yelling at me and it’s hurting my head

I’ve heard all of these, and I’ve thought a few of them too ¬†(thankfully my husband doesn’t yell).

I hear you.

And I know it’s easy to find this,

and you’d love to convince me about all of it.

But.

Thinking this way doesn’t feel good, does it?

I just want to tell you that it’s a choice.

I’m not suggesting that you paper over your complaints with pretty “life is wonderful and perfect” thoughts.

Those never work, unless we believe them.

I am recommending that you really commit to truly FINDING how you are always exactly where you want to be in every moment.

I want to be at work because I love earning my own money.

I want to be in this car on the way to dinner with my friends.

I want to be in my home with my husband who I love and who loves me when things are hard and good and all of it in between – if I didn’t want to be here I wouldn’t.

Sometimes it’s hard to look, because we discover that we want to be here because we are afraid of leaving.

That’s challenging.

But so good to find.

Now you know where your work is.

And I can help you figure it all out – I have one spot opening for private coaching this August. Schedule a phone call with me to find out if it’s yours.

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What would make overeating boring?

So many women tell me they eat when they’re bored.

They think that I will help them change their thoughts so they aren’t bored.

And that’s one way.

But here’s a way that is much more fun –

Answer this:

What would make your life so exciting that overeating would be boring in comparison?

Let your mind run wild.

Don’t limit your possibilities with practicalities like accessibility, cost etc.

Just list every single activity that you think would be more exciting to you than overeating.

Uncensored.

You will learn so much about yourself.

And what your next steps will be.

Please send me your list – I’d love to share in your energy of a life that is so much more fun than overeating!

Here’s mine done very quickly for you – it changes all the time but I make sure to keep it long and current:

Walking in nature
Connecting with people I love
Meditating
Reading
Creating
Coaching
Writing
Learning
Laughing
Ziplining
Yoga
Springboard Pilates – my new obsession
Cuddling and snuggling
Visiting my dad and hearing his views on life and business
Yoga
Biking
Bubble baths
Hiking especially if there’s water
Swimming in seas and lakes

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Reflections on Food as Fuel

If you are an emotional eater, and you want to lose weight permanently,

You must uncouple your emotions from food and eating.

The best way I know to accomplish this is to:

  1. Plan exactly what you will eat  the night before
  2. Eat only that. No matter what.

I get a lot of resistance to this from my private coaching clients.

It’s interesting – ¬†they are successful because they’re skilled at doing this in their professional lives.

But we have this belief that we should be able to eat whatever we want AND be the weight we want to be.

And we all know someone who can.

So…. here it is for you –

If you are overweight, then you can’t.

Janice told me that she doesn’t want to plan ahead because she’s worried that she won’t want to eat whatever she’s planned when it’s time.

That’s not really relevant, if you are recreating food as a source of fuel and self care.

It’s like saying ‘I need to have 7 different flavours and brands of toothpaste in my vanity.

Because I don’t know if I’ll want Colgate tomorrow morning.’

Sounds crazy right?

Why?

Because brushing our teeth is a routine act of self care that we do in order to function at the level we want to function in the world.

If you put eating in the same category, then you would eat whatever was the best available fuel source for you.

Which would be more likely to be available if you planned it.

I’m not saying you CAN’T enjoy your food if you want to lose weight.

You can, if you enjoy high quality fuel foods.

But it shouldn’t be your Number One criterion,

because sometimes you are going to have to choose between a fuel food that you don’t love and a food that will sabotage your weight loss goal.

Just like sometimes, if you’re travelling, you may have to choose between brushing your teeth with a brand you don’t like and having bad breath and mossy mouth.

If you don’t think you’re entitled to love the experience, you’re more likely to make the right choice.

Yes, I hear you.

Your friend lost weight by eating foods she loved and deciding in the moment.

I love that she did that, and if it works for you you’re so lucky.

It worked for me too in my early 40’s.

But once you hit perimenopause and beyond, your hormonal changes are going to make success with this strategy unlikely.

So feeling sorry for yourself and arguing with this reality is always available to you of course,

as is maintaining ¬†a strategy that isn’t going to work long term,

Or you can harness the badass you are in your business, plan your meals in advance, eat according to plan,

and heal your body and brain from emotional eating.

 

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On being tested…


Last week was filled with wonderfulnessfor me.

We celebrated the Bat Mitzvah of our youngest child.

A Bat Mitzvah is a kind of coming of age for a Jewish girl, and it’s a time for celebrating who she is becoming, which in this case was easy to do, as she is an absolute delight in every way.

We wanted to make sure that we planned mindfully, so that it was a meaningful celebration, and a modelling for our children of what we consider to be important in life, which is family, values and community.

One of the ways we do this is to hold our celebrations in our home, which is quite unusual where we live.

Our back garden gloriously backs onto a ravine, we have a big deck overlooking the forest, and a flower filled front yard on a quiet street, so we planned to spread our guests around these three areas, with round tables and lavish silver tablecloths and delicious food.

The caterers would spread their food stations throughout the house and gardens, and we imagined a casual relaxed, informal mingling type of event which would follow the synagogue service, which we required my daughter to lead, as part of teaching her the role we expect her to fulfill as part of her community.

As you can imagine, this involved a lot of planning and running around, all of which we do, intentionally, with joy and lightness.

Truly.

Many people expect us to be stressed and nervous before these events, and we never are.

We know that what’s important is people, and as our celebrations always include people we love and who love us, we have never understood how they could ever be a source of stress?

Anyway, this time we got tested.

The week before the event, when I was not only driving around town choosing balloons, decor, candy, desserts, centrepieces, outfits, shoes, etc., but also shopping for sleepover camp because my daughter’s bags had to shipped out the day before her Bat Mitzvah, our van broke down.

My husband waited in the hot sun for over an hour for CAA to tow it to the service station, where we were told it would need almost $1000 of repairs.

Had we brought it in earlier, it would have cost less, but I was given the wrong advice by the first technician.

Then, three days before our event, the weather forecast, which was growing more and more ominous, switched from a likelihood of showers to thunderstorms…

We had no Plan B for the party, and 130 people in our house with caterers and food stations and bars would be really squashy.

We’re not great believers in having Plan Bs because we always believe that things will work out for us.

And of course, they always do.

I chose to believe this:

I am being tested, and all I have to do to pass is be pleasant to everyone and handle this all with grace.

And that’s what I did.

My sister lent me her car.

We got the van fixed.

We moved the party to the bright, airy school gym, where they gave us everything we needed for a stunning celebration, and friends stepped in to help us switch over. It remained a meaningful venue, as it’s where my children have been nurtured and educated here for the past 16 years, and where we’ve met many of our closest friends.

Looking back, I honestly can’t remember a moment of stress throughout all this.

My thought was ‘this is all working out exactly as it is meant to’ and ‘the only thing that matters here are my people’.

I’m so proud of who we are as a family.

Not one of us made a fuss or even suggested that any of this was a problem.

We all know what’s important, and none of that was affected by weather, or unexpected expenses or events.

I love love love how my life gives me moments where I get to consider and reaffirm everything that I hold to be important, and to gratefully celebrate that that is exactly where I am placing all my attention.

In that spirit, I want you to know that you are included in my people, and that the purpose of my blog today is to tell you how much I appreciate you being in my life, and to tell you that no matter what is happening for you right now, it is all working out exactly as it is meant to.

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Today’s a tough day, and that’s OK

I’ve been watching myself feel all day today.

It’s not so much fun, I tell ya.

I woke up feeling ‘happy for no reason’ – love it when that happens.

And I had a great day planned – couple hours of work I love, then shopping date with my daughter and a good friend to buy colourful and pretty stuff for her upcoming Bat Mitzvah, followed by lunch, and then dress shopping with another daughter (yep I have 3. and a son. so lucky), followed by dinner at friends. So it should have been a winner all round.

But at some point in the day, I started to feel disgruntled, and dissatisfied, and then, surprise, I felt the urge to eat.

I don’t eat in between meals – it’s a commitment I made to myself a long time ago, and I’m focused on becoming a person who keeps my commitments to myself.

So instead, I watch myself crave.

I let whatever thoughts want to float into consciousness be there, and whatever emotions and sensations arise in my body be there too.

Most of the time, being with myself is an OK place to be – if you ever pass me in the street or store, you’ll notice that I talk to myself all the time, and it’s usually positive and optimistic stuff, and I’m smiling and sometimes laughing with myself. This may sound strange to you, but I think what’s even stranger is that other people think they have to wait to be with someone else to have a laugh or a great conversation ūüėČ

But not today – today there aren’t really any words – there’s just disgruntled. dull.

And you know what, I can handle that.

I can handle whatever I bring myself on any day.

I know I won’t eat, even though a part of me really wants to.

But the part of me that’s in charge, as long as I stay present, knows that what I really want is to be a person who keeps her promises to herself.

It’s a beautiful thing to know that you can be with yourself no matter what.

You may think this is too hard for you, because your thoughts are too ugly, and your feelings too hateful.

And it may hurt.

But here’s what happens, when you commit to staying with yourself, which means no eating when your body isn’t asking for fuel, you start to notice that all your thoughts come and go, even the hateful ones, and that in between is peace, or silence, or a smile.

If you’d eaten the minute you wanted to numb the hateful, you would have missed that smile.

Staying present – you get all of it.

Numb with food – you rob yourself of all of it.

I know which I’m choosing ¬†– you?

 

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Stop looking outside yourself – you are already complete

I’m BACK from My Bearable Lightness of Being retreat in Bodega Bay!

It was MAGICAL – five very fun, rowdy and unmanageable women who taught me more than I taught them! I fell madly in love with every one of them, and we all fell in love with us as a group.

Theresa messaged me after to suggest that I should offer a follow-up program in order to ‘monetize my retreats’. She attached a link to a free webinar that would teach me how to do just that – if I signed up for the paid program the free webinar would be selling, I’m sure.

I love her so much for looking out for me.

I thanked her and told her that I offer my retreats with love and get so much from them, and that it’s never felt good to me to sell one program with the intention of getting you to buy another one after that. I know it’s what they teach in all selling programs, but it feels ick to me so I don’t do it.

My intention is to sell a program, deliver ten times more value than you paid, and give you everything I’ve got during that program.

If you want more after, I’ll always accommodate your desire for more personal growth and development, of course ūüėČ

The reason I’m telling you this is that many entrepreneurs spend more time studying how other entrepreneurs do it than creating and building their own business.

Likewise, many of my weight loss clients spend more time studying different weight loss programs than preparing nourishing foods.

In both cases, this creates separation from their own intuition about how to achieve their goal in a way that’s in line with their uniqueness.

Because marketing is done online these days, and often poses as posts within our social media feeds, we have no protection.

If people were constantly knocking on our front door and offering us free programs to ‘monetize our retreats’ or ‘lose 10lbs of fat in 10 days’, we’d stop opening the door, or, if we were polite, we’d open it and say ‘no thank you’.

When was the last time you said YES to an unsolicited phone marketing call? If you even answered?

But if it appears on our screen, and it’s shiny and full of promises, we believe it. Even if it doesn’t resonate with our intuition.

I have a suggestion for you.

Fair warning: it’s going to sound extreme. But you can always go backwards.

Unsubscribe from every newsletter and blog. Now. Except this one of course.

Here’s why – your inner wisdom is subtle – it speaks to you softly, and if you’re busy with loud, bossy ads and posts and videos, it’s message will be drowned out.

And you won’t hear the inner knowing telling you ‘yes, do this’ or ‘no, that feels wrong for us’.

You can still research – it’s all available to you via Google whenever you want specific information related to your project.

This way you will be the driver – you’ll decide how you want to lose weight, or the energy you want to bring to your retreat, and ¬†then you can seek out the information that guides you to your goal.

Your way.

I did this a year ago and I have never looked back. Even the ones I loved.

My business has exploded since I took charge of what information is on my screen (and in my head), and I’ve found that my inner wisdom speaks a bit more loudly these days.

It’s crazy – I’ll say to myself ‘my coaching is getting a bit stale – I need an injection’, and a few days later I’ll get an offer that provides me with daily coaching inspiration, while paying me!

Or ‘I’m interested in corporate opportunities’ and within a month I bump into two personal connections who are heading companies that would benefit from my expertise.

I don’t think that any of the business newsletters or blogs I used to follow would have led me to this – I don’t even think I would have noticed the opportunities being offered to me, because my head would have been filled with all the ways that someone else, who doesn’t even know me, told me what I should be doing to grow my business.

Similarly, my clients who don’t read anything about weight loss, and just follow my recommendations, are not only losing crazy amounts of weight, they’ve stopped even thinking about their weight or their food. Which is exactly my goal for them.

Where in your life are you allowing bossy, noisy online voices, who don’t even know you, to drown out your inner voice?

Unsubscribe today.

But not to me. I’m not bossy am I? Don’t ask my friends or family OK. Well, I’m not bossy online. I don’t think….

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Please don’t eat to please your host

I’ve coached on this subject three times this week – clients who have committed to my bodymindsoul cleanse or their eating protocol¬†and they’ve been invited out for dinner.

They want to decide, before they get there, that they’re going to break their commitment ¬†because they don’t want to offend or hurt their host.

Listen.

It’s not possible to please your host, and it’s equally impossible to offend your host.

You can’t please anyone but yourself, and you can’t hurt or offend anyone but yourself.

YOUR feelings are ALWAYS a direct result of whatever YOU’RE¬†thinking at the time.

And your HOST’S feeling are ALWAYS a direct result of whatever THEY’RE thinking at the time.

If your host notices that you aren’t eating and gets offended, it’s not because you didn’t eat the food they spent all day preparing. It’s because they’re thinking “She doesn’t like my food” or “She doesn’t care about how I feel” or “She doesn’t value the time and effort I put into this meal”.

So yes, it’s true that your host may feel offended if you don’t eat their food. And they may blame it on you. But that doesn’t mean it’s your fault. They just don’t know yet that only their thoughts cause their feelings.

But you do, if you’ve been with me for a while.

And my clients certainly do – it’s the main thing I teach them, over and over.

So you need to take responsibility for the only feelings in the world you CAN control, which are your own, and leave the rest to the people responsible for them.

Now, let’s talk about how you feel when you break your commitment to yourself.

That’s pretty hurtful, no?

It could feel a bit like you don’t value yourself, or care enough about yourself.

Makes no sense to overeat to please someone you can’t please,

by ignoring the commitment you made to the only person you can please.

Thank your host, compliment the food, be curious about the recipes and ingredients, tell them how much you appreciate all their effort, love on them every way you can,

And eat all the foods on your protocol or cleanse, and none of the foods that aren’t.

And feel the love you have created for yourself, and trust your host to take care of whatever emotions she has created for herself.

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Trying will only get you more trying

How do you feel when you say “I’m going to try”?

If you pay attention, you may notice that it makes you feel weak,¬†like you’ve given up before you’ve begun.

It sounds like a virtuous statement – it’s as if you’re saying ‘I have identified that I want to change something and I am going to try to do it’.
As if your heart is in the right place.

But you know it isn’t, because of that weak feeling that you get.

That’s always your clue that you’re thinking something that won’t get you what you want – if it makes you feel weak or hopeless.

I recommend that if you want to change something, you skip the TRY word, and simply say “I am going to do it”.

Here’s why – we always prove our thoughts true.

Whatever you say you are going to do, you will do that.

So if you’re going to try to give up sugar, your result will be that you keep trying to give up sugar.

You may give it up for a day or two, and then you’ll feel tempted, and you’ll eat some, and then you’ll resist again, and on and on.

Yep. You’re trying, that’s for sure.

Problem is, you aren’t succeeding.

You’re never going to succeed until you DECIDE to succeed.
To DO it. Not to try do it.

You don’t have to change, but if you want to, then really commit.

Pick one thing at a time,
Understand that you can do whatever you believe you will do,
No exceptions,
And decide to do it.

If the best you can offer yourself is “I’ll try”,
I recommend you skip that goal altogether or hire a coach,
Because that tells me that you don’t believe you will succeed,
And, in the same way that we will do whatever we truly believe we can,
if we want to,
The opposite is equally true – no matter how much we want to,
we won’t achieve it if we don’t believe we can.

And there’s nothing more disheartening than really wanting it, trying, and failing. And not understanding that it was simply your thinking that caused the failure.

I have one opening for private coaching opening up this month – if you are ready to stop trying and start succeeding, schedule a consultation with me to see if that spot has your name on it.

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Five steps to a brain renovation!

I did a brain renovation this week!

I literally turned my entire thinking around in order to get what I want.

Did you know that you create all your results in your life with your brain?

What I mean is, we are always creating evidence for what we believe, and so when we want something, we first have to believe we can get it, and then we go about creating it.

Sometimes it seems as if it just happened to us, or someone else gave it to us, but if you trace it back, you will find that you first conceived of it with your brain – by thinking about it and wanting it and believing it was possible.

This week I received a business offer that went beyond my dreams.

If I accepted, it would take my business to the next level, and enable me to exceed my financial goals for this year.

And my first response was to reject it. Well, half of it. I said I could maybe do half.

When I put the phone down, I fully believed that I couldn’t take the offer, because it would require more time than I devote to my business right now, and all my other time is spoken for. I’m healing my son from Crohn’s, which requires me to make every morsel of food he eats from scratch, and I am a very involved mother of four kids, who eat a lot and mess a lot! I also work out, bond regularly with family and friends, and dedicate time to learning and study each week.

A full and wonderful life with very few blank spaces on my calendar.

But at the same time, I have a goal to meet this year, and it’s a big one….

My brain, in it’s current state, was not able to see how to do all this, so it caused me to say no to the offer that would make my business dreams come true.

Makes no sense, right?

I see it with my weight loss clients. They find a protocol that has them losing weight and feeling energetic, and then their brain, in it’s current state, starts to object and protest. They question the validity of the science I present, worry about their protocol, and refuse to believe it could be a permanent solution, even though they desperately want it to be.

All that’s needed is a brain renovation.

Our beliefs are strong connections in our brain, and the problem is, we think they are facts and truths, so we keep operating within them.

My belief was that I can’t devote more hours to my business than I do, and I thought it was true.

Until I woke up the next morning. and I realized that although all my son’s food has to be made in my kitchen, it doesn’t have to be me who makes it.

And that, my friends, was the small brain renovation that led to a very different outcome for me.

My twice a week housekeeper walked in shortly after, I offered her another two days, she beamed, we hugged, I accepted the business offer, and I am well on my way to exceeding my business goal.

You can renovate your brain too, and it can be way less painful than a home renovation.

All it takes is a willingness to be wrong.

1. Think about something you really want, and list all the reasons you can’t have it.

2. Look at your list with a sceptical eye.

3. Notice how all your reasons are simply thoughts and beliefs.

4. Find where and how you are wrong.

5. Demolish  and update the wrong bits,

and you’ll suddenly see your way to achieving YOUR dream!

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