I’m in love with my body….


My baby girl (12 years old) and I are in love with Ed Sheeran.
We listen to him while we bake together,
or when we’re hanging out in the kitchen,
often singing with him,
and occasionally breaking into a dance.
OMG have I told you what my two teen girls do?
When I start dancing around the house to their music,
Which happens very often, I have to admit,
They surreptitiously pull out their phones,
Video me,
And post it on Snapchat for all their friends to see!!
I’m choosing to make it mean they think I’m a really cool mom.
Apparently their friends agree.
(Even with the strongest mind management skills in the world,
I could not make it mean that they think I’m a great dancer.)

Anyway….

This morning, on the way to school, she was singing
“Oh-I-Oh-I-Oh-I I’m in love with your body…..”
Notwithstanding my opinions about the message in this song,
It’s a catchy tune, and I j0ined her.

But I changed one word.

My version goes
“Oh-I-Oh-I-Oh-I I’m in love with my body…..”

She looked at me.
With that look I choose to interpret to mean that she thinks I’m a really cool mom.

What? I asked her.
Listen, it’s just as easy to love your body as it is to hate your body.
It’s a decision.
It’s got nothing to do with the shape of your body,
Or what anyone else thinks about it.

It’s just so much easier to move through life in a body you love.
So love it.
There. It’s that simple.
Just decide.

You too.

Yes, I see your cellulite,
And your flabby bits.
I see the scars, the moles, the droops.
I have those too.

Nothing at all to do with the lovability of my body.

There’s no objective measure of lovability.

I know there’s a culturally agreed upon measure of lovability.
But I know that you’re a thinking person,
Who evaluates what your culture tells you to believe.

So use that skill here.

Lovability is a personal decision.
And I choose to love my body (and yours).
Unreservedly.
Unashamedly.
and Unconditionally.

My body doesn’t have to earn my love
By looking a certain way or being a certain size.

Lovability doesn’t have to pass any test.

It just has to feel better.

And moving through the world in a body I love
Feels soooo much better than doing so in a body I hate.

Join me?

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Do you eat when you’re happy and proud?


Emotional eaters are just as likely to eat when they’re very very happy as when they’re very very sad.

My client stretched herself this week.
A public speaking engagement that went very well.
Lots of praise and congratulations,
And she was proud of herself.

Then, on the way home, she started to fantasize about ice cream and french fries.
She resisted the craving, and I’m so proud of her.

But it reminded me that I need to tell you about this,
Because most people think that emotional eating refers to eating when you’re feeling down or stressed  or some other emotion that we think is negative.
And it’s true, but it’s just as true that we may eat when we’re feeling overly proud or happy.

There are two reasons we eat when we are also feeling a positive emotion:
1. We may have learned, early on, that food and eating goes with celebrations. Once that connection is established in your brain, it becomes automatic, and you won’t stop to question it until you become aware of it.
2. Once you start to numb negative emotions, you become uncomfortable with all intense emotion. It all starts to feel uncomfortable, and so you eat to deaden the intensity.

This last explanation, for me, is the best possible reason to do the work required in order to heal from emotional eating.
My wish for you is that you learn, through practice, that you can handle any and every emotion that comes your way.
I know you can.
And being willing to experience grief, loss, shame and overwhelm without eating them
is the only way you are going to experience joy, pride, and elation – all the way through
So worth it.

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You can stop any time

Do you ever find yourself in the middle of a binge?
Could be food, Netflix, Facebook, Google, porn.
You suddenly “wake up” and notice it’s been hours/entire bags of chips.
It feels like you weren’t aware of what you were doing and now you are.
And you think you can’t stop.
You think you’re powerless in the face of this urge.
That you have to ride it out until it comes to it’s natural end.

I have breaking news for you.

You can stop a binge any time.
Before, during.
Any time between your first urge and the last.

Let’s talk about awareness.
When you’re trying to change a pattern,
It’s usually because you become aware, after, that it’s not working for you.
Don’t berate yourself when you come to this post-binge awareness –
It’s the first stage.
Use it as motivation to get support to learn a different pattern.

Second stage, is that mid-binge awareness.
What you tell yourself here is crucial.
You see yourself,
You may feel disgusted at yourself,
Because you’re probably criticizing yourself like crazy.
Not a good idea.
Self-disgust is going to send you right back into that binge coma.
You’ll do lots more damage before you’re done.

Reframe that mid-binge wakeup:

“Wow. Look at me.
I’ve moved to the second step in awareness.
(Third step is pre-binge awareness, but we’ll talk about that next week)
Here’s my opportunity.
I can stop now.
All I have to do is stop.
What I do next is entirely in my control.
The worst that will happen is I may feel some emotional discomfort.
I can handle it.
The best that will happen is I may feel really proud of myself.
I can stop now.
I am in charge. Of my hands, my mouth, my brain.
One hundred percent in charge.”

As you know, if you’ve been with me for a while,
What we tell ourselves determines what we do.
Choosing an optimistic interpretation is always more likely to result in a positive result,
As long as you believe it.

If you don’t believe any of the script I’ve given you above,
 we need to talk.
You won’t break your binge habit if you don’t believe that you are in control,
or that you can handle uncomfortable emotions.
Schedule a complimentary consultation with me.
Because I don’t believe you can.
I know you can.

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You have to really really want it


What did you think about last week’s blog?
My husband was concerned that I may have discouraged you from working with me.
I guess the continued use of the word “slog” might do that?
😉

So let me clarify:
Discouraging you from working to achieve your goal, with or without me,  was never my intention.
But I know what it’s like to want something, pay money to get it,  not do the necessary work, and therefore not succeed.
It feels terrible.
Worse than when you started.
Because, if you’re like most of my clients, you’ll add it to your long list of proof that you’re a loser, a failure, not worthy of success or joy or happiness.

I find that the main differentiator of those who succeed and those who don’t is DESIRE.

How much you do want it?

I’m going to use weight loss here, but this applies to any goal you have.

Of course, you want it.
BUT
How much do you want it?

Do you want to lose weight, if it’s going to be easy, and if it doesn’t interfere with your social eating, your movie popcorn, your comfort ice cream?
Do you want to lose weight, until you go for dinner with friends, and everyone is drinking and ordering course after course and you don’t want to feel the discomfort of not matching them?
Do you want to lose weight, until you have an argument with your husband, and you don’t want to feel the discomfort of intense fear and frustration?
Do you want to lose weight, until you have a busy day, and there’s no fuel food in the house, and Pizza Pizza will be there in ten minutes?

In other words, do you want it, in a mild kind of “I’d prefer to be thin, if it’s convenient and doesn’t require too much of me” way?

That kind of desire won’t get you permanent and lasting weight loss.

Permanent and lasting weight loss requires that you rebuild your neural pathways – your response to stress, fear, temptation, fatigue.

It’s change at a deep level, and you achieve it by sustained focus.

Think of something you are going to achieve no matter what.
For many of us, it’s for someone else.
It may be, “I am going to heal my child no matter what”,
or “I will make my dog comfortable no matter what”.
Whatever it takes, you’re going to find the time, the experts, the money.
You’re going to stay, show up even when you want to hide,
and keep doing it every single day until it’s done.

That’s the kind of desire I’m talking about.
When you have that kind of desire
For yourself
That’s when I recommend you sign up with me to lose weight permanently.
When you are going to do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes,
You can’t fail.

And that’s really the only difference between my clients who do it and those who don’t.

So….
If you want to be successful
Find that desire.
Close your eyes,
Still your mind
Picture it. Whatever you want. See it vividly.
Notice how you feel.
If your body opens up to you,
You relax, you smile, you see it.
You will get it.

As long as you hold that picture in your mind constantly,
All day and night,
Remembering what you desire and why,
You’re going to get it. For sure.
Just like I did during the half marathon –
I kept picturing my Jacuzzi tub, being warm and dry,
Feeling pride and satisfaction,
Until I got it.
This desire made completion of the marathon inevitable.
No matter what or how long it took.

This is what I want to teach you.
If you don’t have the desire,
Figure out why.
Maybe you don’t really want it – so then stop pretending and find another goal to work towards.
Maybe you want it but you don’t believe you can have it – this is when coaching is so valuable – schedule a free consult with me and I can help.

But please don’t start until you have real, focused and sustained desire.
Because telling yourself you failed again really hurts.
Way more than not starting.

 

 

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Lessons learned from my half marathon

So I did it!!!
13 miles/21km in freezing, windy, raining, grey Miami.
Can you imagine?
I’ve spent so many winters in Miami and I have never seen such a grim day,
Flanked on both ends by sunny gorgeous weather!

Of course, I hadn’t brought any of my layers with me,
So I was freezing and stiff long before the marathon began,
So I could barely operate my phone to choose music,
And don’t even try  to pee in a Portapotty and pull your leggings up (quickly) when your legs and leggings are wet and your hands are numb and frozen!!!

And worse, I had been told to expect entertainment, bands, cheerleading  teams, residents who hand out KitKats as you pass their houses, high five-ing partiers on South Beach, etc.
Hardly any of that.
I don’t blame them – I also wouldn’t have ventured out in that weather.
(Kudos to the enthusiastic cheering Team from  Chai Lifeline, who showed up in full force!)

So… even though I had felt so strong and powerful by the end of my training,
As we crossed the start line, I could barely summon up any enthusiasm to run.
I walked the first km with my sister, and then set off on my running/walking routine.
My energy level was about half what it had been during training,
At the beginning of the marathon,
And I kept waiting for it to kick up, but it didn’t.

And I just kept going.
It was a real slog.
But my goal was 13 miles and there was absolutely no doubt that I was going to do it.
So all I had to figure out was how to get there as quickly as possible, not to have a good time, but to get inside.
I kept dreaming of  my Jacuzzi tub  in my warm cozy suite
(THANK YOU for the upgrade Martin at the Fontainebleau Hotel!).

So, even though I didn’t want to,
I ran as much as I could.
Only because I kept telling myself it would get me to the finish line faster.

And every time I wanted to stop and rest a bit,
I reminded myself how it would set me back – I’d get cramps, I’d be in the rain even longer, I’d be further from my goal.

The best part was seeing the mile marker signs.
Slog slog slog – 6mile – slog slog slog – 7 miles (more than halfway there!) and on and on
Until I was done.

So, in the absence of entertainment, I had lots of time for thinking –
And of course my mind went to the parallels with the weight loss marathon that so many women are on.
And why so many never get to the finish line.
So many of my clients say they want to get to a certain number.
And we quickly figure out what they need to do to get there.
But they don’t do it.
Or they do it for a while, make amazing progress, and then stop doing it.

They lose sight of the goal.
Because they stop aiming for it.
Something else asks for their attention,  and they’re off.
Or it gets too hard, and they let themselves give up.

Kind of like the women who hopped in an uber, and got off a mile from the finish line.
Or the woman who crossed the meridian to take a big shortcut.
They lost sight of their goal.
They pretended it didn’t matter to them anymore.

Like my clients, they pretend they don’t care, when they see dessert.
Or when their husband annoys them,
Or when their dog is sick.

They stop weighing themselves,
Haul out the old stretchy sweatpants.
And pretend they aren’t yearning to see that number. The goal. The dream.

There were so many distractions for me along the way.
A Starbucks! Open at 8am! Warm and dry!
Some of my teammates gave up at that Starbucks.
They forgot how much they wanted their goal.
But I wouldn’t do it – I kept my eye on the goal –
Kept looking forward to the next mile marker, and the next, the quarter mark, the halfway mark, the last mile.
Slog slog slog. Faster, slower, always forward.

It wasn’t fun.
It definitely wasn’t glamorous (my visualizations of me flying across the course did not materialize)
But I got there.
Slower than I’d planned
But successful.
And THAT felt amazing. Enormous pride, glowing, self-respect.

Next time, I’m not going to expect to enjoy it.

What if you expected not to enjoy your march to your goal weight?

What if you expect it to be hard and uncomfortable sometimes?

What if you become that woman who marches towards her goal, no matter what?

Here’s what: you will get there.

And you will be so proud of yourself.

And you’ll be thin.

And maybe you’ll join me next year? Miami half marathon 2018.

Start marching.

If you are committed and certain that this is what you want, and you  want a weight loss coach in your corner, I will keep you on the course. My fundraising page is still open, and I am still offering Coaching for a Cause. Click here for details.

 

 

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Words have the power to create your reality – use them with care.


Do you know what words you’re allowing to create your reality?
The words that you allow to dominate your consciousness tend to materialize,
So it’s a really good idea to pay attention to what you’re telling yourself all day.

I like to purposefully choose the words I focus on, so I choose sentences that describe the reality I want to create, and then I think them all day.
It’s how we create new pathways in our brains, so that we change our behaviour without having to fight against our old programming.
For example, Gina was eyeing the candy aisle at the grocery store, but when she remembered her sentence “I’m the kind of person who looks after herself”, she lost interest and walked away.
Her words became her reality.

Lately, I’ve been experimenting with single words.
What if y0u could find one word that, when you think it,
will immediately turn your focus to where you want to be? 
Wouldn’t that be so great?
Just one word, to keep bringing you back, back, back.
Back to your centred place.
And what would that word be?
For me, it’s REMEMBER.
I have so many insights and epiphanies in my life,
And I usually live by them for a few weeks or days,
And I feel amazing and alive and purposeful,
And I get stuff done.
And then I forget,
And go back to my unconscious life.
So for me,
Every time I notice myself drifting,
I simply say “remember” and all the wisdom and desire helps me turn toward who I want to be.

Last week I hosted an art workshop at the amazing Studio p,
Where we created stunning canvasses with our words.
Trust, Care, Lean, Remember.

Lean. Isn’t that interesting?
You might think that would be a negative word for an emotional eater.
But here’s how Jodi explained it:
“I want a lean life. Lean body, lean house (free of clutter and excess), lean friends (only those who fill me).”
I adore it.
I’ve been thinking about this word ever since.
Lean.
Constraint.
Only what’s necessary, helpful and life-enhancing.
I love it.

What would your word be?
That one word that, when you say it, will bring you right back to your centre?
Give yourself some time to let it come.
You’ll know it because, the minute you think it, your body will shift –
You’ll feel an opening, clarity, maybe even a small tingle.
That’s it – that’s your word.
Hold it close and find the magic in it.

P.S. Here’s some more amazing art!!! Not quite finished yet but I LOVE them all!!!

 

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What would you do differently if you gave yourself no out?

Three weeks to my half marathon!!!
(In case you missed the news, I’m doing a half marathon in Miami soon for a charity that is close to my heart.)

THANK YOU to all of you who sponsored me – Ken and I reached our target of $10,000 for Chai Lifeline!
Along the way, friends have contacted me to  tell me how Chai Lifeline saved their lives (emotionally and spiritually), or people they were close to, while doctors were working to save the lives of their children.
We’re so inspired by their stories of love, caring, and connection that we want to surpass our goal, so this week, I’ve upgraded my Coaching for Charity offer to you – I’m now guaranteeing coaching packages to thank you for your donation. Click here for details.
That pic up there of my family – those four kids are the reason that Chai Lifeline means so much to me. Read here to find out all the ways they help.

OK. What does this have to do with the topic of my blog today?

This.

I am hating my training.
Seriously.
You know I love to move. All movement thrills me, and the more challenging, the more exciting to me.
But this.
Walking and running long distances?
Often inside on my treadmill?
Even with Meredith and Alex from Greys’ (I would NOT survive if Season 13 hadn’t come out on itunes. No lie.) to keep me company?
14km – two hours. On a treadmill (snowy and icy here in Toronto).
My sister called in the middle and I sowre and told her I wanted to shoot myself.
I never swear when I talk to my sister.

I do not talk like this.
Because I know, and I teach, that everything we do is because we want to do it.
So there is no point in complaining about it, right?

OK. So usually if I hated a form of exercise, I would just stop doing it and find another one.
I prefer classes because then all I have to do is get there and I can piggyback on the teacher’s energy.
Here – it’s all me.
I can’t even find friends to walk with me if I do go outside because it’s too cold.

The thing is. I’m doing it.
I have given myself no out.
My friends, family, clients and readers are supporting me and trusting me to do this half marathon for Chai Lifeline, and so I’m all in.

It’s really fascinating to me to watch this in myself,
because I usually give up very quickly if I don’t like something.
I know I’ll always find something else that excites me.
And I get bored very easily with ‘sameness’ (like treadmills. for two hours.)

So here’s my discovery, that I want to share with you:
Yesterday, the weather was nice enough for outside training,  and my schedule said it was a  5k walk day.
Instead, I ran it.
I shaved 1.5minutes off my time.
Without trying or aiming to.

I would never have aimed for this because I didn’t think I was capable of it.

If I had given myself an out, I would never have discovered that my body is able to run farther and faster than I thought possible.

After, I felt elated, exhilarated, proud.

Which got me to thinking about the brilliant women I work with.
Their goals are either to lose weight permanently or to build their business.
Both of these goals are self-determined, and self-measured.
They can give themselves an out any time they want to.
And they do, as do I, whenever it feels too hard.

So for this week, I want to offer you this to ponder:
Your goal. The big one.
What would you do differently this week if you had no out?

What if I promised to donate $1000,000 to your favourite charity when you reached your natural weight?
What if I were going to buy you your dream house when you land your first client?
What if your child’s college tuition would be fully funded (all expenses) if you worked out every day for a year?

Think about it.
It really changes things.
Please email me and tell me what your goal is, and what would change for you if you gave yourself no out.

And please visit my fundraising page – any donation at all will make a huge difference, and, if you want to explore this topic with me privately, get a free coaching package while you’re there!

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Please love yourself today, no matter what.

I went swimsuit shopping yesterday.
At my thinnest, I don’t look good in a swimsuit.
And I’m not at my thinnest right now.
So there I was, me and me,
in a tiny change room with a full length mirror, lots of swimsuits,
my big wobbly legs
and my dimply sticky-outy butt.

And I didn’t experience a moment of pain.
I actually had a good time in there.

I decided to like how the swimsuits looked on me.
Every one. Even the ones I didn’t buy.
I decided to focus on my waist,
The cute patterns and fabrics,
And how insanely lucky I am to be shopping for swimsuits when it’s -5 degrees outside.

It wasn’t even hard for me.
I’m so practiced in taking extremely good care of myself and my well being –
emotional, physical and spiritual.
No matter what I’ve done or haven’t done,
How thin or fat I am,
What I forgot to do,
And what I chose not to do,
I always talk kindly to myself,
And so I always feel pretty good about myself.
Which makes it easy to be with myself
And less likely that I will escape into food or Netflix
After swimsuit shopping.

It’s the holidays. The end of the year is approaching.
You may be reviewing your year and considering how you’ve done in terms of our goals.

I implore you:
Whatever you’ve done or not done this year
Whatever size you are
No matter how much cellulite you have
And even if your stomach sits on your lap,
Please
Be kind to yourself.
Find the gifts in yourself.
Look yourself in the mirror and decide to like what you see.

Yes. You get to decide.
Either way, what you see is who you have to work with.
And I know I prefer working with something I like, don’t you?

Know that this is exactly who you are supposed to be
For your own greatest good
And for the work you are here on earth to do.
From this space, your way to where you want to go will be so much clearer.

Does this seem impossible to you?
If so, I want to work with you.
I am opening five spots for a year long program that will get you what you want from a place of self-love and self-compassion.
I’m unplugging for the next two weeks, but you can book a consultation to find out more today here.

Chag Chanukah Sameach, Merry Christmas, and may your holidays be peaceful and loving.

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One decision at a time. That’s the only way to get to your goal.

 

Do you have a weight loss goal?
Or another goal that means so much to you?
Does this goal feel insurmountable?

Some of the  women I coach  have 100+lbs to lose.

They want to know how they can get there – the idea of it seems impossibly huge.

But it isn’t.
I tell them that losing 100lbs requires exactly the same technique as losing 10lbs.
One decision at a time.
It’s all we ever have.
This moment.
This decision.

Just like climbing a high mountain.
You see the goal, you plot out how you need to get there, and then
you decide, one step a time, where to place your foot, then your hand,
then your other foot, then your other hand.
One decision at a time.
You keep the summit in mind, and you get there one decision at a time.

Will I eat it or not?
Will it take me towards my goal or away from it?
Will my body love this food or not?
How will I feel after? Is that how I want to feel?
Will I eat my emotion or will I feel it?

If you make the choice that takes you towards your goal,
Great. Done. Now on to the next decision.
If you make the choice that moves you away from your goal,
Same thing. Done. Now on to the next decision.
Don’t focus on your last decision, whatever it was.
It’s not helpful and it won’t get you to your goal,
which is in the future, bc your last decision is in the past.

Many times a day, you will be confronted with food.
Each time. Every time. One decision.
It’s all you have.
It’s all you need.

What will it be?

P.S. this technique applies to any big goal you have. You will get there one decision at a time. Keep your focus on that decision. And then tne next. And then the next. Before you know it, you’ll be well on your way to meeting your goal Well done!!

 

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Thank the person who wronged you this week.


Claire, a gifted healer, told me that her client cheated her this week.
She used her.
She conducted a session over the phone, and then discovered that her client had cancelled the VISA on file.
The client hasn’t respond to emails so far.

Claire was pretty upset about this.
You may be thinking it was because of the lost income.
But it wasn’t that at all.

She was shocked and hurt because of what she made this mean:
She doesn’t value my work
I was taken advantage of
She used me“.

I’d be pretty upset if I thought someone had used me and taken advantage of me too.
But we really have no idea of what this woman’s intention was,
And Claire’s interpretations are only one of many possibilities.

Here’s what I offered Claire:
Thank her.
Thank you, client, for teaching me that I should process payments before phone sessions.”
“Thank you for all the money your teaching will save me over the life of my business.

Claire’s voice softened immediately,
Although she took a while to be willing to consider the perspective I offered her.
But when she did, here’s what happened:
We ended up discussing so many options for Claire to increase the efficiency of her growing business,
I told her about how I have automated all my  payments, contracts and bookings,
Which would free up Claire’s time to see more clients, and save her many more thousands of dollars.
More to be grateful to her AWOL client for –
if not for her actions, Claire and I wouldn’t have had this conversation at all,
because she didn’t even see her current policies as a problem!

It was a bit of a stretch for Claire to go to gratitude towards this woman
(I actually invited her to send her love as well – yup I’m a hardass coach),
And I understand.
Most normal people would agree with her that this a grave injustice that was done to her,
and that she should find this woman and make her pay.
I’m not saying she shouldn’t try to get paid if she can figure out how to do that,
But I suggest that she constantly check in with herself to see how she’s feeling while doing this.

At the end of our call, Claire asked me –
“so should I send her another email” (to add to the emails she has so far not responded to).
I asked her how she feels when she thinks about this.
“Nah”, she responded. “I would just be trying to make her feel guilty. ”
Which feels pretty tight and crappy to me.

Here’s the magic of coaching:
Because I don’t agree with your beliefs, or even our shared cultural norms,
I can help you find relief from the suffering that you are causing yourself
By showing you that your perspective (which most normal people will share)
Are optional, and aren’t working for you if they make you feel tight and clenched.
So lucky for you that I’m not normal 🙂

I love this lesson I learned so long ago from a parenting magazine:
“You can be happy or you can be right”

Claire could have hung onto her righteousness in this matter –
No court would contest it –
Or she could choose to find gratitude, compassion, and move on,
Giving herself her own happiness,
Which is worth so much more than $150.

If you have something that’s bothering you, I can help you see how your perspective is causing your suffering.
Schedule a free consultation with me over the next 2 weeks, and experience this magic for yourself.

 

 

 

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