Trying will only get you more trying

How do you feel when you say “I’m going to try”?

If you pay attention, you may notice that it makes you feel weak, like you’ve given up before you’ve begun.

It sounds like a virtuous statement – it’s as if you’re saying ‘I have identified that I want to change something and I am going to try to do it’.
As if your heart is in the right place.

But you know it isn’t, because of that weak feeling that you get.

That’s always your clue that you’re thinking something that won’t get you what you want – if it makes you feel weak or hopeless.

I recommend that if you want to change something, you skip the TRY word, and simply say “I am going to do it”.

Here’s why – we always prove our thoughts true.

Whatever you say you are going to do, you will do that.

So if you’re going to try to give up sugar, your result will be that you keep trying to give up sugar.

You may give it up for a day or two, and then you’ll feel tempted, and you’ll eat some, and then you’ll resist again, and on and on.

Yep. You’re trying, that’s for sure.

Problem is, you aren’t succeeding.

You’re never going to succeed until you DECIDE to succeed.
To DO it. Not to try do it.

You don’t have to change, but if you want to, then really commit.

Pick one thing at a time,
Understand that you can do whatever you believe you will do,
No exceptions,
And decide to do it.

If the best you can offer yourself is “I’ll try”,
I recommend you skip that goal altogether or hire a coach,
Because that tells me that you don’t believe you will succeed,
And, in the same way that we will do whatever we truly believe we can,
if we want to,
The opposite is equally true – no matter how much we want to,
we won’t achieve it if we don’t believe we can.

And there’s nothing more disheartening than really wanting it, trying, and failing. And not understanding that it was simply your thinking that caused the failure.

I have one opening for private coaching opening up this month – if you are ready to stop trying and start succeeding, schedule a consultation with me to see if that spot has your name on it.

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Five steps to a brain renovation!

I did a brain renovation this week!

I literally turned my entire thinking around in order to get what I want.

Did you know that you create all your results in your life with your brain?

What I mean is, we are always creating evidence for what we believe, and so when we want something, we first have to believe we can get it, and then we go about creating it.

Sometimes it seems as if it just happened to us, or someone else gave it to us, but if you trace it back, you will find that you first conceived of it with your brain – by thinking about it and wanting it and believing it was possible.

This week I received a business offer that went beyond my dreams.

If I accepted, it would take my business to the next level, and enable me to exceed my financial goals for this year.

And my first response was to reject it. Well, half of it. I said I could maybe do half.

When I put the phone down, I fully believed that I couldn’t take the offer, because it would require more time than I devote to my business right now, and all my other time is spoken for. I’m healing my son from Crohn’s, which requires me to make every morsel of food he eats from scratch, and I am a very involved mother of four kids, who eat a lot and mess a lot! I also work out, bond regularly with family and friends, and dedicate time to learning and study each week.

A full and wonderful life with very few blank spaces on my calendar.

But at the same time, I have a goal to meet this year, and it’s a big one….

My brain, in it’s current state, was not able to see how to do all this, so it caused me to say no to the offer that would make my business dreams come true.

Makes no sense, right?

I see it with my weight loss clients. They find a protocol that has them losing weight and feeling energetic, and then their brain, in it’s current state, starts to object and protest. They question the validity of the science I present, worry about their protocol, and refuse to believe it could be a permanent solution, even though they desperately want it to be.

All that’s needed is a brain renovation.

Our beliefs are strong connections in our brain, and the problem is, we think they are facts and truths, so we keep operating within them.

My belief was that I can’t devote more hours to my business than I do, and I thought it was true.

Until I woke up the next morning. and I realized that although all my son’s food has to be made in my kitchen, it doesn’t have to be me who makes it.

And that, my friends, was the small brain renovation that led to a very different outcome for me.

My twice a week housekeeper walked in shortly after, I offered her another two days, she beamed, we hugged, I accepted the business offer, and I am well on my way to exceeding my business goal.

You can renovate your brain too, and it can be way less painful than a home renovation.

All it takes is a willingness to be wrong.

1. Think about something you really want, and list all the reasons you can’t have it.

2. Look at your list with a sceptical eye.

3. Notice how all your reasons are simply thoughts and beliefs.

4. Find where and how you are wrong.

5. Demolish  and update the wrong bits,

and you’ll suddenly see your way to achieving YOUR dream!

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You don’t have to gain weight over the holidays

Oops I’m so sorry that you got last week’s email again on Friday.

Here’s what I really want to tell you this week:

It’s Passover and it’s Easter,
And you don’t have to gain weight if you don’t want to.

I know there’s tons of food.
We’re at a really lavish all inclusive resort for ten days,
With at least 4 spectacular meals a day (sometimes 5 if you count high tea),
Plus a 24/7 tea room filled with beautiful pastries and candy.

Here’s what I have to tell you:
The food is irrelevant, unless I make it relevant.

The first 3 days, I decided that I needed to eat everything they offered,
and I gained 3 lbs.
After that, I decided that all the food is neutral.
It’s simply an invitation.
I decide what to accept or not.
I decide whether to make it mean I must eat it or not.

What I’ve chosen, for the last 4 days, is to eat according to my usual protocol.
I’m having a wonderful vacation,
I sit with my huge extended family at every meal, even though I only eat at 2,
and I’ve dropped 2 of the 3 lbs.

My environment is exactly the same.
It has no bearing on my weight or what I eat.
My thoughts about my environment determine what I eat, and therefore what I weigh.

Yes. I’m that powerful, and so are you.

Prove it to yourself – decide on purpose.

And remember, if you want to drop any pounds you gain over Passover and Easter,
and learn how to manage your thoughts to control what you eat and weigh,
bodymindsoul cleanse is a perfect choice and it  starts in 9 days.
Can’t wait to meet you inside our  secret Facebook group!

 

 

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Time for your bodymindsoul spring cleanse

April smells of breezes blowing through my (finally) open windows.

My minimalist tendencies tug at me and I want to empty every closet and dispose of all contents other than what we used the past week.

And my body dreams of opening its cells to release winter toxins and sluggishness.

All of this means….

TIME FOR BODYMINDSOUL CLEANSE!

If you too have amassed some winter layers that you want to shed for spring,

I make it so easy for you.

Every week I tell you exactly what to do for your body, mind and soul.

I’m on Facebook every day answering questions,

coaching you through challenges,

and celebrating breakthroughs.

Bodymindsoul cleanse is unique in that we approach it as a ‘whole person’ experience –

you detoxify your body with whole foods,

which may alert you to some emotional accumulations to release,

while connecting to your inner wisdom so that you maintain your gains,

or should I say losses 😉

My cleanse is priced low because I want everyone to benefit from it  –

$99 gets you weekly videos, audio guides, and cheat sheets

as well as daily support from your cleansing community and me on Facebook.

We will start April 24

(timed for all my Jewish readers and clients who will have just finished Passover).

Sign up now and you will get your first week immediately –

this means you get a head start on Precleanse,

which is a gradual and healthy way to prepare your body and your mind for what’s to come.

Buy here

Need more info?  Get it here. I even have a free sample for you to download.

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Food doesn’t have to satisfy you.


There.
I said it.
With apologies to all my Foodie Friends.
You are not entitled to be satisfied by your food.

Food does not have to satisfy you, comfort you, love you, or be your friend.

Food has to fuel your body.

You have to satisfy yourself
By creating a satisfying life
By surrounding yourself with people and places and events that satisfy you.
By choosing to be satisfied with what is before you.

Gloria finished dinner on Tuesday night,
but she didn’t love her chicken,
so even though her body was full,
she ate cheese, nuts, crackers
and gained weight.

Aviva is going to be a houseguest this weekend,
but the food they eat doesn’t satisfy her
so she’s anticipating some unconscious overeating.

They were both shocked when I told them the news:
You don’t have to love dinner
You don’t have to be satisfied by their food.
You just have to eat enough food to fuel your body
So you can live loving, satisfying and full lives.

We do live in a very food obsessed culture
And so it seems almost a given that food should be way more than fuel.
And I do understand that our sense are involved in our eating,
But if you are overweight,
It means you’re eating more than your body needs.

And if you fire food from the job of satisfying you emotionally and sensually,
(which it is completely unable to fulfill because it’s just a bunch of molecules on a plate)
You may find that you need much less of it.
And
Bonus
You may find yourself reaching out to living objects (including trees and humans) to satisfy your need for love,
and your entire life might feel more satisfying,
Rendering food somewhat irrelevant,
other than gas in your very satisfed tank.

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The Power of Taking Time for Yourself. Yes, it’s worth the expense.

 

I hosted a mini retreat this week.
I invited a client to my house for some intense work.
It was just the two of us – my house is on a quiet street overlooking the ravine, and I made sure it was neat and sparkly for her. We sat in the living room and explored how she is going to achieve her big scary goal,
And then we ate a delicious meal (of course) in my dining room.
I adore combining my passion for coaching with my love for hosting and spoiling people.

Something clicked for her, that we’ve been working on for almost a year.

That’s the magic of separating yourself from your life.
It creates the space for powerful discoveries within a few hours,
That could take months of weekly sessions.

I want to invite you to do just that May 25-28.
Join me in glorious Bodega Bay, Northern California
To explore how to create more lightness in your life.
It may be physical, and it’s just as likely to be emotional and spiritual.

We’re going to play with the concept of “The Bearable Lightness of Being” that exists at the core of every single one of us.
My retreats are a combination of deep soul work, and lots of fun,
And I have one room left,
So if you’re ready for an unforgettable dive into yourself
With a small group of fellow seekers,
Hit reply and email me now to tell me.

If the room is still available, it’s yours.
If you want to bring a friend, sharing is a possibility, so let me know and I’ll give you the details.

Here’s where we’re going to stay – I’m so obsessed I created a photo album so I can go there multiple times a day!!!!

Want a sample of what can happen in just a few hours, read on for Clara’s description of her mini-retreat. And then imagine what you will discover over two and a half days…. I have to tell you that, since our retreat, she is a different person – she reached enough clarity to go home and make the changes to her eating that her body needed to function optimally,  her entire being is truly lighter and she shines through on the phone and email now.

“My AHA was that I could make changes in two ways:

First, I could go to the thoughts I had so that they led to the emotions and actions I wanted.  These are the things we are working on pro-actively.

Second, I could take a moment in the middle of an emotion and simply control (you might say observe first) my response (ie before I take an action). This would allow me to prevent the normal action and go back to the thought and make a better choice. These are things we can do reactively while the proactive ones are being worked on.  i.e, when in the middle of making big changes when it is still messy.

So my change path was clear. Cultivate better thoughts and catch myself before reacting to the old ones when they slipped in.

The other AHA was that by reliving events, I was hurting myself.  The first time, someone else had done it to me.  After that, it was just me doing it to me.  And I could stop.

In terms of the experience, I’ve done similar work in the past for emotional healing, where I was guided through a series of questions that led me to intelligence/insights that weren’t conscious before on the path to healing. The thing I really took from our work that is unique is how everything is stored in my body.  All the thoughts, feelings, memories and wisdom.  And it helped me connect to my body with respect rather than criticism. Hope that makes sense.”

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I’m not disorganized anymore!

 

 

Last year I held a magical retreat in Imperial Beach, California

We started the event by choosing something we wanted to release from our lives.

I chose my belief that I’m a disorganized person.

As you know, all of our results in our lives derive from our thoughts and beliefs.

This is because the way we think influences the way we feel, and the way we feel determines what we’ll do, which of course creates  our result.

I’ve been telling myself I’m disorganized for a very long time.

My hyper-organized oldest daughter agrees, and reinforces this belief every time I forget to pick someone up (yep. happened a few times), or can’t find something she needs NOW.

I always took it as a character flaw.

I thought this so many times that I began to think it was real. Fixed. Something in me that I would have to manage and compensate for with all my other sparkling traits.

Of course, this isn’t true at all.

When I would tell friends that I was disorganized, some  would  be shocked, and tell me all the ways they thought I was a pretty disciplined person.

Hard to start and maintain a successful business all on your own, and run a busy household of six (with only the occasional forgotten child)  without any organizational skills huh?

So, being in a heightened state of awarenss, thanks to the magical surroundings and the glorious conpany at the retreat,

I remembered that it was just a belief I’d created in  my mind,

And decided to be done with it.

I knew that the more I told myself I was disorganized, the more papers, items and children I would lose.

So I threw it into the sea, yelled it at the top of my lungs, and kind of forgot about it.

This week, I’ve been planning my retreat for this spring

(deliriously excited about it!)

and I realized, drving home yesterday, on time and with all 4 kids accounted for,

and entered my neat and tidy house, with all (okay most) papers filed,

that I’m not a disorganized person anymore.

Sure, sometimes I forget stuff, but rarely,

And sometimes I choose Netflix over a clean kitchen, which means I go to bed later than planned, but then I clean it in the morning,

And mostly, these days, I’m pretty, functionally, organized.

Magic happens when we gift ourselves the time and space to be in nature, in the company of like-minded, conscious women who are all seeking to evolve to higher versions of themselves with love and understainding.

My retreat this spring is in Bodega Bay in Northern California, May 25-28. We’re going to explore The Bearable Lightness of Being (with apologies to Milan Kundera).

It’s almost sold out, before I’ve even managed to post a detailed description on my site, so if you are ready to release some old beliefs that have been holding you back from becoming the best version of yourself, experience mindfulness, consciousness, beach walks, yoga, amazing food, magical coaching, and too much more to mention, in a luxurious house overlooking the sea, , email me now to tell me, and I’ll send you the details!

Here’s how two of last year’s retreaters described it:

I would describe the retreat as:  1) Really FUN 2) A time to enjoy seriously yummy food 3) The luxury of a private yoga class ON THE BEACH! 4) The gift of “me” time 5) spontaneous dance parties  6) A great way to learn new self-coaching skills  7) Last night, sunset, with beautiful and amazing people…priceless 8) A wonderful opportunity to get one-on-one coaching and to learn from the coaching of others  9) Spending time with a group of intelligent women and our generous, hilarious, fearless leader, Bev! xoxox” 

“Real, intimate, relaxed and lots of fun and you come away with a sense of who you are – I loved it all. Ready to take on the next great phase of my life with a lot more useful tools to make it through.”

“What I learned is that EVERYBODY has vulnerabilities and pockets of sadness even if they present a perfectly self-confident facade.  We never know what their tender spots are unless we have the opportunity to do coaching.  Then everyone can be vulnerable in a safe environment. Exposing those spots to the light of day is so healing and cleansing”.

And a year later, “I will SUPER miss you guys, too!!!! I go back to that serenity I found at your place with y’all often…such a good, peaceful, calm and present space!!!!”

 

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I’m in love with my body….


My baby girl (12 years old) and I are in love with Ed Sheeran.
We listen to him while we bake together,
or when we’re hanging out in the kitchen,
often singing with him,
and occasionally breaking into a dance.
OMG have I told you what my two teen girls do?
When I start dancing around the house to their music,
Which happens very often, I have to admit,
They surreptitiously pull out their phones,
Video me,
And post it on Snapchat for all their friends to see!!
I’m choosing to make it mean they think I’m a really cool mom.
Apparently their friends agree.
(Even with the strongest mind management skills in the world,
I could not make it mean that they think I’m a great dancer.)

Anyway….

This morning, on the way to school, she was singing
“Oh-I-Oh-I-Oh-I I’m in love with your body…..”
Notwithstanding my opinions about the message in this song,
It’s a catchy tune, and I j0ined her.

But I changed one word.

My version goes
“Oh-I-Oh-I-Oh-I I’m in love with my body…..”

She looked at me.
With that look I choose to interpret to mean that she thinks I’m a really cool mom.

What? I asked her.
Listen, it’s just as easy to love your body as it is to hate your body.
It’s a decision.
It’s got nothing to do with the shape of your body,
Or what anyone else thinks about it.

It’s just so much easier to move through life in a body you love.
So love it.
There. It’s that simple.
Just decide.

You too.

Yes, I see your cellulite,
And your flabby bits.
I see the scars, the moles, the droops.
I have those too.

Nothing at all to do with the lovability of my body.

There’s no objective measure of lovability.

I know there’s a culturally agreed upon measure of lovability.
But I know that you’re a thinking person,
Who evaluates what your culture tells you to believe.

So use that skill here.

Lovability is a personal decision.
And I choose to love my body (and yours).
Unreservedly.
Unashamedly.
and Unconditionally.

My body doesn’t have to earn my love
By looking a certain way or being a certain size.

Lovability doesn’t have to pass any test.

It just has to feel better.

And moving through the world in a body I love
Feels soooo much better than doing so in a body I hate.

Join me?

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Do you eat when you’re happy and proud?


Emotional eaters are just as likely to eat when they’re very very happy as when they’re very very sad.

My client stretched herself this week.
A public speaking engagement that went very well.
Lots of praise and congratulations,
And she was proud of herself.

Then, on the way home, she started to fantasize about ice cream and french fries.
She resisted the craving, and I’m so proud of her.

But it reminded me that I need to tell you about this,
Because most people think that emotional eating refers to eating when you’re feeling down or stressed  or some other emotion that we think is negative.
And it’s true, but it’s just as true that we may eat when we’re feeling overly proud or happy.

There are two reasons we eat when we are also feeling a positive emotion:
1. We may have learned, early on, that food and eating goes with celebrations. Once that connection is established in your brain, it becomes automatic, and you won’t stop to question it until you become aware of it.
2. Once you start to numb negative emotions, you become uncomfortable with all intense emotion. It all starts to feel uncomfortable, and so you eat to deaden the intensity.

This last explanation, for me, is the best possible reason to do the work required in order to heal from emotional eating.
My wish for you is that you learn, through practice, that you can handle any and every emotion that comes your way.
I know you can.
And being willing to experience grief, loss, shame and overwhelm without eating them
is the only way you are going to experience joy, pride, and elation – all the way through
So worth it.

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You can stop any time

Do you ever find yourself in the middle of a binge?
Could be food, Netflix, Facebook, Google, porn.
You suddenly “wake up” and notice it’s been hours/entire bags of chips.
It feels like you weren’t aware of what you were doing and now you are.
And you think you can’t stop.
You think you’re powerless in the face of this urge.
That you have to ride it out until it comes to it’s natural end.

I have breaking news for you.

You can stop a binge any time.
Before, during.
Any time between your first urge and the last.

Let’s talk about awareness.
When you’re trying to change a pattern,
It’s usually because you become aware, after, that it’s not working for you.
Don’t berate yourself when you come to this post-binge awareness –
It’s the first stage.
Use it as motivation to get support to learn a different pattern.

Second stage, is that mid-binge awareness.
What you tell yourself here is crucial.
You see yourself,
You may feel disgusted at yourself,
Because you’re probably criticizing yourself like crazy.
Not a good idea.
Self-disgust is going to send you right back into that binge coma.
You’ll do lots more damage before you’re done.

Reframe that mid-binge wakeup:

“Wow. Look at me.
I’ve moved to the second step in awareness.
(Third step is pre-binge awareness, but we’ll talk about that next week)
Here’s my opportunity.
I can stop now.
All I have to do is stop.
What I do next is entirely in my control.
The worst that will happen is I may feel some emotional discomfort.
I can handle it.
The best that will happen is I may feel really proud of myself.
I can stop now.
I am in charge. Of my hands, my mouth, my brain.
One hundred percent in charge.”

As you know, if you’ve been with me for a while,
What we tell ourselves determines what we do.
Choosing an optimistic interpretation is always more likely to result in a positive result,
As long as you believe it.

If you don’t believe any of the script I’ve given you above,
 we need to talk.
You won’t break your binge habit if you don’t believe that you are in control,
or that you can handle uncomfortable emotions.
Schedule a complimentary consultation with me.
Because I don’t believe you can.
I know you can.

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