I’m almost crying.
My husband just left to take my Aliza to school, and then we won’t see each other for four nights.
I counted.
It’s ridiculous.
He’s been here for weeks. Every night.
And I’ve barely paid any attention to him.
I’ve been indulging in resentment about the current effect of something he did years ago, and my way of ‘punishing’ is to withdraw and withold attention.
I don’t do it much anymore, but I guess it’s a strong program in my brain, and I didn’t even realize I was doing it until now that he’s gone for a few days.
So here’s the craziness:
He was here, and I felt distant and uncaring.
And now he’s gone and I feel this tender love and appreciation.
The reason this is crazy is – he’s the same guy. Always.
One of my husband’s qualities that makes him so perfect for me is that his behaviour and moods are pretty constant, which is not something anyone would say about me 😉
This is what happens when we aren’t paying attention to our minds and our hearts.
We sink into old patterns, and they aren’t always serving our highest purpose.
Choosing a regular practice of awareness is the antidote.
When I take a few minutes every morning to decide who I want to be today, I reset my program based on my highest desire, and it’s always in the direction of love – in my heart and in my actions.
I forgot to do that regarding my husband for the past while.
The good news is that we are always offered reminders –
We just need to be open to recognizing them.
My sad heart today is that reminder.
There’s no purpose at all in regretting how I’ve been the past few weeks, because what we focus on is what we create more of.
Instead, I’ll focus on who I want to be towards him moving forward, and then set a reminder in my heart to do more of that.
Because, honestly, love always feels the best.