I remember the year I decided to stop celebrating New Year’s Eve.
I was a teenager on holiday in Cape Town
and I didn’t have a boyfriend.

At the time I thought this was because I was overweight.

Now that I know what I know,
I understand that I didn’t have a boyfriend
because I believed I didn’t deserve a boyfriend
because I wasn’t skinny.

Lots of girls who were fatter than me had boyfriends
And I was fascinated by them
And studied them secretly
To find out how they managed it.

Knowing what I now know
(Summary: our thoughts create our reality. Always.)
My guess is that those girls never believed that finding a boyfriend required a thin body.
That was really the only reason they were in the game and I wasn’t.

Anyway, that year, a bunch of us decided that it would just be a normal night.
Which, when you’re on holiday in Cape Town, means hanging out on the beach, starry skies, bonfire, good food, tons of people …
Not bad for a normal night.

Since then,  Dec 31 is a neutral day for me.
We’re usually on vacation, kids are off school,
So it’s a pretty great day.
But it has no special meaning for me in terms of planning or reflecting.

I love that I have made every day,  just a day.
A perfect day for me to decide how it will be.
How I will feel.
What I will create.
With my thoughts.

I love that I know that my size has nothing to do with whether or not I achieve my goals.

And, having been thin for the past few years, I know that it doesn’t make facing my resistance or fears any easier.
Like I thought it would.
I actually thought all resistance and fear would disappear with my excess weight.

I’ve discovered that being thin doesn’t make me more deserving or worthy of greatness, or love, or boyfriends (which is probably a relief to my husband!!).
Unless I believe it does.
And that resistance and fear stem from my thoughts
And have nothing at all to do with the body that houses and reflects those thoughts.

I’m so grateful that that teenage girl chose a path
That led her to knowing this, finally.

I wish this certainty on you, too, this new year.
The only thing that will determine whether you achieve your goals and resolutions or not
Is whether you believe you will.
Or not.

I truly hope you find a way to believe you will.
And I can’t wait to meet you in a world where nothing stops us.