I’m speaking at a business event next week.
I weigh 5 pounds more than my favourite weight.
The weight I feel most comfortable in my own skin.
I call it my natural weight – the size I feel like I was born to be.
Last night, I let my mind indulge in some outdated thinking.
I started to worry about getting up on the stage.
I considered various crazy options to lose 5 pounds in one week.
I wondered which clothes would make me look 5 pounds thinner.
Believe it or not, all this craycray in my head,
and my talk has nothing to do with weight loss or being thin!
Luckily, I know how to coach myself.
I started to laugh at myself
(we laugh a lot in coaching – all the crazy stuff we believe).
Confidence has nothing to do with what we weigh.
Confidence is a feeling.
Feelings are always a result of what we are thinking at the time.
The number on my scale is not a thought.
Therefore, that number has no relation to how confident I feel.
I hear your protests – stay with me for a moment.
Let’s say you step on the scale.
You’re feeling pretty snazzy that day.
Thinking about that boob tube top and some skinnies to swagger around town in.
The scale reads 5 pounds higher than you expected.
All your confidence deflates.
Yes, I get it. Been there
(well, I haven’t been in a boob tube for about 30 years!)
(oops. My daughters tell me they’re called bandeaus these days. OK you get my point).
Here’s what I’m here to tell you.
You only felt deflated because you had a thought the minute you saw that dreaded number.
Something like “OMG you’re so fat” or “ugh don’t you dare display your body today”.
THEN, as a result of this mean talk, your confidence squizzled.
Let’s say, instead, you told yourself “yep. that’s my friend the scale. very fickle. goes up and down like that sometimes. I’m still me, still snazzy, still perfect”
or “of course, last night’s sushi always results in a higher number on the scale”
or even “uh huh. that’s what happens when I eat mindlessly for a week. still me. still worthy.”
You can see how this thinking, while totally acknowledging your reality, would have no effect on your confidence, right?
So when I reminded myself of this, I suddenly remembered that
I was asked to speak because I have something valuable to share,
not because I weighed 140 pounds!
Immediately, my body relaxed, relief set in,
and I started feeling… confident.
Of course.
I have absolute faith in what I’m going to share at the meeting.
I’m not saying that weight is irrelevant.
I love being 5 pounds thinner – I’m more comfortable in my clothes, I think I look better, and exercising is easier.
I’m just saying that none of that has any effect on my confidence,
or any other emotion, until I have a thought about it.
And the good news is, you can choose your thoughts any time.
All it takes is becoming aware of how you’re feeling
And what you’re telling yourself that’s causing that feeling.
This is my work.
It’s what I teach women to do.
If you suspect that your thinking is causing you negative emotions,
And you want to learn how to take charge of your mind,
I’d love to coach you – email me and let’s talk.