You’ve probably heard about the power of positive thinking, huh?

Maybe this idea that all you need is positive thinking to get you what you want is annoying to you?

Please stay with me, because what I’m talking about is different to the idea that all you need to do is think it, feel it, and it will magically appear from a mysterious, divine source.
I’m not knocking this idea, it’s just that that’s not what I’m talking about.
What I want to offer you is that, if you choose positive thinking, that you believe, you will be more likely to create exactly what you want.

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Let me demonstrate with a recent client example:
Noreen’s daughter is starting university.
She was all set to go – accepted by her college of choice, and deposits paid.
This amazing girl will thrive in the right environment, with the right supports.
But Noreen discovered recently  that this College A isn’t going to be the best fit for her daughter.
Too late (she believed), she found College B, which seemed ideal.
She asked me to help her find a way to think about this that would reduce her anxiety and guilt.
She wanted to use positive thinking to feel better about what she thought was a done deal.

Of course, we could have done that.

But.

My favourite part of being a coach is where I don’t believe what my clients tell me 😉

They think something is a fact. True. Immovable.
And so they think that the best they can do is find a way to feel better about this fact.
And often that is the case, for example, a cancer diagnosis, or a death.

But about 80% of the time, what they think is a concrete truth is really just a belief, and the only thing keeping them stuck in this situation is their belief that it’s true.

I hope that makes sense to you – it’s quite a mouthful.

So let’s continue with Noreen and I hope it will become clearer to you.

I asked Noreen why she’s sending her daughter to a college that the believes is unsuitable.
Especially given the fact that College B was still willing to consider accepting her daughter.

She had so many reasons.
“My daughter picked  College A”
“My husband liked it best.”
“College B may not have freshman housing for him.”
and on and on.

When I asked her how these reasons felt to her, they all felt some version of negative.
But she still didn’t believe that it was possible to change.
Too many hurdles.
It’s a done deal.

Negative thinking is always going to get you negative results.

Here’s why – when you believe that something is a done deal,
Even if you hate that idea, you will find evidence for it’s immutability everywhere.
You’ll raise the topic tentatively with your daughter, you won’t even mention it to your husband, you’ll talk to College B, but report back only on the problems, you’ll pick unsupportive friends to discuss it with.
And the end result will be that you don’t see any opening to make a change.

Negative thinking will get you negative results, not because some higher power will swoop down and punish you for you lack of faith, but because you will be looking at the situation from that place of negativity, and will find all the reasons for your current negative belief.

All I needed to do was not believe Noreen.

I didn’t try to convince her that there was a positive option here.

All I needed to do was keep questioning her thinking.
I just had to show her that what she believed was true. settled. fact. was simply her opinion.
When someone doesn’t believe something we tell them, we have two choices:
We can stand firm in our belief, and try to convince them about it,
Or, we can open up to the possibility that, if Bev doesn’t see it my way, maybe, just maybe, it’s not fact, and maybe there’s another way here.

Being a coach herself, and very open (my favourite kind of client), Noreen chose the second option.

It took a few weeks, but she kept opening herself to positive thinking about this situation.

She kept sending me stalled updates, and I kept not believing that they were evidence that this was a done deal.

And eventually, she saw an opening.
Possibility for positive thinking about this.
And that changed everything.
She saw how she needed to negotiate with her daughter.
She saw what she needed to tell her husband.
She kept talking to the admissions officer.

And last week she flew her daughter to College B and deposited her in her  freshman dorm.
And she told me
“It was because you didn’t believe me. That’s all it took to open my mind to possibility. The how kind of took care of itself then! It was really hard and intense, but once my thinking changed, the outcome kind of became inevitable”.

What do you need to find positive thinking for this weekend?
Maybe you don’t believe you can enjoy Labour Day weekend without gaining weight?
I promise you that if you believe this, you will make it true.
Negative thinking will create negative results, remember.

Luckily the opposite is equally true:

Positive thinking will create positive results.

Try this:

“Maybe I can pay attention to what my body is telling me this weekend, and eat according to these messages.”
or
“Maybe it’s possible to have the best weekend ever,  without gaining any weight.”

If this feels like an opening for you, try it.
You never know what possibilities will become clear to you.
You may even skip dessert.
Or you may skip the main course because you know you want the dessert.
Either way, you’re less likely to gain weight, simply because you decided to believe it was possible.