I want to talk to you about hurrying today.
Or rather, not hurrying.
In order to arrive speedily and effectively.

But first, I want to dedicate today’s blog to my mother, of blessed memory,
Who we lost two years ago today, according to the Jewish calendar.
We Jews retain a relationship with our departed loved ones,
And I am told that, after the first year of death,
It becomes reciprocal,
In that my mother is now able to act as an advocate for her family here on earth,
And we, through study and charity, help my mother’s soul elevate further.
I’m relaxing in Lake Las Vegas for ten glorious days, with my entire extended family, and today my nephews and I talked about the problem with rushing.

When we act speedily, with a clear mind, we accomplish our goal effectively and efficiently.
But when we rush, with a sense of urgency, we sometimes lose our way or trip over ourselves, or get to the end and discover it’s not where we wanted to be at all.

This came up in my coaching practice this week.
Clara’s been acting from a sense of urgency for a long time.
We looked at some examples, and discovered that when she acts on something really quickly,
And believes it’s urgent, it usually doesn’t serve her in the long run.

Just this past week, she
– stuffed as much food into her mouth as quickly as she can before someone sees her
– chased after someone to tell them how they wronged her
– ordered three purses during an online flash sale

All of these actions ended in regret, and she’s wondering how to avoid this in future.

Easy, I told her.
Pay attention to how you’re feeling.

Why don’t you try this as you read?
Think of a time when you were really rushed.
You believed you needed to do something urgently.
Got it?
OK.
Now…. turn your attention to your body – how did it feel?
How does ‘urgent’ feel in your body?
For Clara, it felt very tight and also very fast.
This compelled her to act quickly to get rid of the uncomfortable sensation.
But, in it’s place she found remorse and regret, 
which are just as uncomfortable,
in a different, slow and sluggish way.

Has this happened to you too?
You do that urgent thing and then you immediately wish you hadn’t?

So it’s not a very effective way to relieve discomfort is it?
Replacing one uncomfortable feeling with another?

I have a much better solution for you.
Slow down.
As fast as you want to go, slow yourself down twice as much.
If you want to stuff six truffles in your mouth at once, eat only one.
If you want to run and chase the offender, make yourself walk really slowly.
If you’re breathing fast, make yourself breathe in for 6 and out for 6.
If you’re scared you’ll lose those online purses, make yourself type with only one finger. One keystroke a second.

Here’s why.
As I’ve written before, I believe that our natural state is calm and peaceful.
So any time we are feeling urgent and rushed, it’s because we are telling ourselves a lie.
“I have to binge in secret so I won’t feel ashamed”
“He has to apologize so I can feel better”
“I have to take advantage of this bargain”

Even as I type those sentences, my heart starts to beat faster and my stomach tightens.
Such an uncomfortable way to be.
And all lies.

The truth is that, if all I want is to feel better, I don’t need to stuff that food in my mouth, or extract an apology, or snag a bargain.
All I have to do is sloooooooow myself down.
Relax my clenched body.
Slow my heartbeat and buzzing mind.

Then. I will know.
It really doesn’t matter if they see what I ate. I’m the only one who can make me feel ashamed.
A forced apology won’t mean anything. I can make myself feel better right now.
There’s always another bargain. Debt never feels good.

Now imagine taking all these actions from a sense of calm and peace.
You pick the perfect looking truffle and place it on a plate.
Just as you’re about to eat it, your family comes home.
You know it’s yours and you can eat it whenever you want to.
You know your worth has nothing to do with what you eat.
You save it for later when the house is quiet and you can enjoy it.
Mmmmm.

How about you? Retrace that action you took in such a hurry.
What if you had decided to slow it down?
Wait until tomorrow.
Would it have mattered?
What were you thinking that made you feel so urgent?
Now, in hindsight, did that thinking serve you?
Did your need to be right, or first, give you the feeling you wanted?

I love the idea of moving quickly
AND not rushing.
It feels like the difference between frantic speed walking and long deep strides.
We’ll cover the same distance in the same time,
But we get to choose whether we’ll get there calm and relaxed, or tight and clenched.
And we’re much less likely to have done damage along the way, and much more likely to have noticed the flowers in our path.