Hey! Hope you’re feeling good about yourself today.
No matter what you ate last night.
I promise you, your eating is not a reflection of your self worth.
OK, after that quick Public Service Announcement (in response to the many emails I’ve received this morning from clients berating themselves for overeating at Christmas dinner), we’re on to the topic I promised last post:
How to navigate the holidays without bingeing if you are alone and/or lonely.
Or if you are surrounded by people that you really don’t want to be with.
If you feel stressed, anxious, or sad.
The most fattening thought you could come up with is
“Food will make me feel better”.
So common to think this, and then turn to food to dull your pain.
It’s tricky, this fattening thought, because it is true in the short term.
Think of a crystal glass.
When it’s empty, and you tap it with your spoon, you hear the vibrations loud and clear.
But tap it when it’s filled with liquid, and all you hear is a dull, soft vibration.
It’s the same with our bodies and emotions.
Most of us feel our negative emotions in our throat, chest or stomach.
When this tract is empty, we feel our emotions loudly and clearly.
When we stuff it with food, it does soften and lessen them.
Two problems with this approach:
- It only works when we’re full of food. As soon as our food digests, the emotions become loud and clear again, which sends us straight into another big eat. Very fattening strategy right?
- We feel so awful after. It’s like a hangover. Physically we may feel indigestion, nausea and lethargy, and emotionally, we now have a layer of shame and self-hatred on top of whatever negative emotion we were feeling in the first place. Not helpful huh?
If you want to lose weight, without changing where you are or who you’re with, try these:
- Tell yourself “food won’t fix this”. It’s true, and in your rational brain, you know it. If food can fix this problem, it would have been over a long time ago.
- Tell yourself “I’m sad/lonely/stressed, and that’s OK”, or “I can learn to do sad/lonely/stressed”, because you can. You may not be used to doing these emotions, and it may be scary and uncomfortable, but I find that once you allow yourself to feel them, with compassion and kindness, you lose your fear of them, and then you no longer need to eat to avoid them.
- If you decide to eat, truly savour every single bite. I promise you’ll eat less if you stay present and conscious, and you’ll remain connected to your feelings, and your surroundings.
- Most importantly, be mindful about what you tell yourself after you’ve eaten. Many times, the weight gain happens because you tell yourself such mean things that you dive into more food in order to quieten your self-abusive voice.
In my experience, there is never a time when being gentle with yourself is not the best and only way forward. I wish you gentleness and peace this week. xo