More on being a people pleaser this week – today we’re talking about eating and drinking to ‘please’ others!

Losing weight my way means you connect to your body
and you learn how to nourish yourself with foods that truly fuel you.
Foods that feel vitalizing and energizing.
And you learn to choose to say no to foods that don’t.

You will discover that you no longer want to eat foods that you used to eat
or drink drinks you used to drink.

Some friends and family may not be happy with this change.
They may encourage you, repeatedly, to
‘have just one’ or ‘don’t be a party-pooper’ or tell you that ‘you’re boring’.
Your fellow diners may question you, publicly, about what you’re eating and why and when and how much.

You may feel disconcerted.
Pressurized.
Uncomfortable.
Your resolve to honour yourself may start to weaken.

Look behind your feelings of discomfort.
You may find that you have “people pleaser” beliefs.
They may sound a bit like
“don’t make other people feel uncomfortable”
“be nice”
“don’t draw attention to yourself”
“keep the peace”
“don’t rock the boat”

Sound familiar?

Let all those familiar voices be there.
Notice them entering your head.
Notice how they make you feel.
Decide if you still want to believe them.
Decide whether you want to live your life by these mottos.
Consider whether these beliefs are leading you towards the life you want to create.

The good news is that, as adults, we can change the scripts that govern our behaviours.

First, we must find them.
And trust me, when you decide not to eat or drink in tandem with your fellow diners,
You will find them.

Second, we must be willing to sit with the discomfort these scripts are causing as we explore them and evaluate whether they still work for us.
(For example, as a child, it may have been imperative that you pleased the people around you,
Now, this habit may be making you fat)

Third, we must choose.
If we choose to change our scripts, we must be willing to lovingly allow them to have theirdiscomfort,
Understanding that it’s caused by their thoughts about what you’re eating/not eating,
not by what you’re eating/not eating.

How do I know this?
When I choose not to have any alcohol at dinner,
some people are uncomfortable, and other people don’t care or even notice.

Hmm.

I’m doing the same thing.
So if it was me causing the problem, everyone would have the problem right?
But it’s only the people who think I need to join them in their drinking that are upset.
Those who think it’s irrelevant to their fun aren’t upset at all.
Which proves to me, that the only thing causing their displeasure is their thoughts about my not drinking.

Make sense?

Once you internalize this,
you’ll be able to give up your fat-inducing people-pleasing habit.
While still keeping all your friends, and enjoying your dinners even more, as you eat and drink exactly what you want,
and watch your waistline shrink while you’re doing it!